


Whatever It Takes (To Get You Out of My Hair)

by Renegade_Redshirt



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Jim is a Terrible Roommate, Leonard is Sick of Jim's Shit, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:11:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11782911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renegade_Redshirt/pseuds/Renegade_Redshirt
Summary: Jim won’t let Leonard study, so McCoy comes up with a solution that doubles as revenge.Rated T for swearing.





	Whatever It Takes (To Get You Out of My Hair)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "I don't remember volunteering for this!" McKirk.
> 
> Written for @starshiphufflebadger’s birthday fic challenge over on Tumblr! TBH, this is more pre-friendship than a paring, but oh well.  
> Had loads of fun with this! Much of the first sequence was imagined by @pinkamour1588 and @auduna-druitt, so a big thank you to both of them :)  
> Beta’d by the amazing @thislovelymaelstrom!!

It had been only two days into student orientation and Leonard was already on the verge of strangling his roommate. Classes handn’t even started yet, for fuck’s sake, and Jim Kirk was well on his way to putting himself on the endangered species list.

Behind Leonard, there was a hollow-sounding pop closely followed by a sharp tap on the back of his head.

_ Dammit Jim! _

The doctor aggressively spun his chair around to face his roommate, condensing all of his rage into a glare. Bending down, he angrily snatched the foam dart off the floor and hurled it back at Kirk with surprising accuracy.

“Ow!” Jim whined, rubbing his eye. “Bones, that hurt!”

“Jim,” the doctor growled through gritted teeth, “if you shoot me one more time, so help me, there will  _ be _ no body for the cops to find!” 

“But Bones!” Jim protested, “I didn’t shoot you! Another guy ran in here and shot you, I swear! He ran out before you turned around.”

“I saw you in the reflection of my PADD. Don’t lie to me, kiddo!” Len didn’t know when he’d stood up from his chair and stomped across the room, but he found himself towering over his seated roommate all the same. “Who the fuck still plays with Nerf guns?!”   
  
“Who the fuck still uses pencils?” Jim fired back, gesturing to Len’s desk.

Deciding against a retort, Leonard settled with snatching the plastic gun from Jim’s hand and marching back across the room with it. Dropping it on his desk with a clatter, he huffily sat down in his chair and aggressively sharpened one of his beloved pencils.

“You can’t just… steal my stuff!” Jim protested.

“Not stealing it. Confiscating it. There’s a difference.”

“Well, please let me in on the difference, because I don’t see one.” 

“The difference is that you have a chance at earning back your Nerf gun  _ after _ I’m satisfied with your behavior. If I was stealing it, you would  _ not _ be getting it back... in one piece, anyway.” 

Jim scoffed, then bit into an apple in frustration.

_ Where the hell did that come from?  _ Len wondered.   
  
“So, when can I get my gun back?” Kirk asked.

“Here’s the deal,” Len snarled, almost completely out of patience. “You can start by washing your dishes before the dried food becomes sentient, and then we’ll see!” 

Kirk stood up and started to charge over to Leonard’s desk, but Len was done with Jim’s childishness.

“Jim, if you so much as  _ think  _ about taking the gun before I give it back to you, I will stab your fucking hand!” he roared.   
  
“Okay, okay.” Jim raised both hands in a surrendering gesture. “Take it easy before you get a brain aneurysm or something.”

_ How about I give  _ you _ an aneurysm,  _ Leonard thought bitterly as Kirk left their dorm room.

The quiet that Dr. McCoy had longed for finally arrived, but he was still too agitated to enjoy it. Jim would be back (it was his room too, after all), and he’d only find new ways to annoy Len and disrupt his study time. He needed a more…  _ permanent _ solution.

 

* * *

 

The following Tuesday, Leonard was leaving the mess hall for class when Jim grabbed him by the shoulder from behind.   
  
“Dammit Jim!” Leonard yelped, trying to cover his startle response with anger. “What do you want?”

“I just got a message on my PADD about a community service project I’m somehow signed up for. I don't remember volunteering for this,” Jim said, accusation flashing in his eyes. “It meets all semester long on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Did you have anything to do with this?”

Leonard glanced at Jim’s PADD, feigning mild surprise. “No,” he replied. “But it says here that if you don't show up, it’ll reflect badly on your service record. Guess you better get going!”

He smacked Jim’s shoulder and strode off, ignoring the deadly blue fire in his younger roommate's eyes.

He waved and smiled sweetly over his shoulder. “Have fun!”


End file.
